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Thursday, January 08, 2015
Losing My Job


So I have worked since I was 14.  I have never really been out of a job except for when I had my son and I was extremely ill and it took me a year to recuperate.

I have worked at a lot places, McDonalds and grocery stores when I was in high school, offices as receptionist, secretary, file clerks, data entry, phone operator, managed offices, but my favorite job was the one I just lost.

See Tuesday at 2:09 pm I was downsized from the company I had worked at for more then ten years. 

In total they let 50 of us go. 

It was extremely sad and I have to admit I was devastated.  I have never been downsized before.

So here I am 43 years old and not so many prospects in my life.  No degree, no nothing.

Where do I go from here?


Posted at 10:20 am by Loca_Chick
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Marriages & Relationships

So now you get to hear all about my dating and marriage history...poor you...

I have had 4 long term "relationships".  2 resulting in marriage.

I am sure marriage is a wonderful institution, it just never seems to work for me.

I married the first time to a guy I met at a cousins party.  I was 20 when I met him.  He was 7 years older then me.  We had a great time before we got married, partied all the time hung with friends all stuff that young people do I suppose.  I was blind to the fact the guy was an alcoholic and drug addict (pot and hash).

He proposed while watching a game on tv by saying "hey wanna get married?"

God I was stupid.

A few months before we got married he got attacked on his way home from the bar.  Even though he was 5 minutes from my house, it took him nearly two hours to get there since he kept passing out.

By the time he got to my house he was a bloody mess.  We took him to the hospital.  He was legally drunk (of course) and they had to wait for him to sober up to do anything on him.

He was in the hospital for a week, need massive amounts of stitches and had a concussion.

You would think he would learn his lesson..yea right.

So July 27, 1991, we got married.  Downtown Toronto, hot day in a united church full of people.

I knew when I was walking down the aisle I was making a mistake.  Of course because I am who I am I went thru with it because of the following reasons:

1.  I didn't want to listen to my mother tell me "I told you so"
2.  and I didn't want to disappoint all those people sitting there.

We moved into a fantastic apartment, we both had good jobs, I cooked, cleaned, all the things a good wife is suppose to do, visited my parents, threw parties for our friends and he was drunk and high the entire time.

Did I leave?  Of course not that would have been too smart.

I waited, hoping, praying things would change.

Did I ever get my wish.

March 6, 1992, that day will be in my head forever.   The end of a day, I went home, he was suppose to meet me at the grocery store.  He never showed.  I went home.  Waited, nothing.  Called his work.  He left on time.  Now I am worrying.

8:15 pm he walks in the door and I can smell him from the hall.  He was wasted beyond repair.

He comes in and gets right in the shower.  

Now something people should know about me.  I never back down from a confrontation.  

I followed him.  I whipped open the shower curtain and asked where he had been.  He lied told me he fell asleep on the subway..yeah okay

I told him right there if he did not sober up and stay sober I was leaving and I walked out of the bathroom.

He got out of the shower, followed me into the kitchen and pinned me against the fridge.  He went to hit me and I ducked.  He hit the fridge so hard he left his knuckle imprint in it.

I walked away again.   He threw me down the stairs and slammed a mirror into my back.  I got back up and down I went again.   He was punching me and yelling.

He threw me outside in the snow, no shoes, no coat, nothing.  I am hurt and I know it.

What I didn't know was that he was upstairs calling my parents telling them to come and get me or he was going to kill me that night.

My parents came and got me and next thing I know he is throwing a lamp out the window at me, I'm lucky he just missed me.

He must have passed out because next morning he is calling me to come back.

I refuse, he quits his job, moves but not before he doesn't pay the rent or one bill.

8 months and getting a divorce.

I still got to hear my mother say multiple times "I told you so"

I should have waited to start dating again but I didn't.  Jumped right back into the pool so to speak by the mid summer.

I was working near where I lived, had a great job and would party hard after that.  I used to go to this pool hall across from where I lived to shoot pool and talk to friends and drink.  

One night I meet the owners nephew.  Tall, dark, good looking Italian, who I thought was in his late 20s early 30s.   We got to talking and he asks me out. 

That was the start of a very interesting 3 years that produced my son.  

I spent all my time with this guy.  We did everything together.  He introduced me to his friends, took me places.    I was head over heels for this guy.

By the time I am head over heels in love..a good year later, things started to go weird.
He still spent 4-5 days a week with me at my place at night, but he would disappear for days.

Never realized it was because he had a wife and that he was 27 years older then me.

He left her, came to be with me or so he said.  I mean he spent ALL his time with me.  His clothes are at my house, his car is at my house.  He calls constantly.

I got pregnant.  It wasn't an accident before you ask.  I wanted my baby.  I thought he did.  He said he did.  We made plans and then 2.5 months into being pregnant, he left and never came back.

I had my son in 1995.  He is 19 now and gorgeous. 

He has never seen my son and if I have my way never will.  He made his choice.  He is the one missing out.  I have never taken a dime from him and never will.

I wish I could say I regret him but I don't because he gave me the one thing in my life more precious then anything else my son.  My son is the one thing I will never regret and I will always figure he is the one thing I did right.

So about year later a friend introduced me to this guy and we hit it off.  He was okay, handsome, he had a job, was funny.

To be honest I am not sure how I managed to stay with him for 2.5 years.  He bored me in so many ways.  We had little in common.  He was cheaper then hell.  Now I am not a materialistic chick at all but I do grow tired of paying for all the meals, the hotels and the trips.

Plus he was absolutely lousy in the sack.  I was never so bored in my life, but it got comfortable and I guess that is why I was there for four years before enough was enough.

It was a mutual thing and we still talk occasionally, in fact when I was trying to get away from my second husband he helped me hide for a couple days.

So that brings me back to my last relationship and probably my worst.

I met my second husband at a club where I was working as a front desk receptionist.  He was a DJ.  Again I can honestly say I have no idea what drew me to this man.  He was shallow, incompetent, stupid, ignorant and a bully.  He was not huge by any means of the word but he certainly thought he knew everything.

We started dating, in fact I ditched a KISS concert to go out with him.  First mistake.

We moved in together not to long after.  I worked, cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, etc etc.  He watched.

On our first year dating anniversary he proposed.  I accepted.   Mistake 2.

No sooner were we engaged then he started to screw around.  He came home and confessed.  He said he was not sure he wanted to get married.  Fine.  He stayed but he continued to see the tramp he was whoring around with.

He finally told me he was unsure how he felt for me and he moved out.   He was gone one day before he called me and told me he made a mistake. 

I told him I was not ready to let him back in, but of course that only lasted so long and I let him move back in.  3rd mistake.

We got re engaged, we planned a wedding.  A couple months before the wedding things started to go wrong with the planning.   Stupid things but they were a sign.

I bought shoes months before for my dress.  When I took them out to use for my fitting, they were both left feet.

My dress got torn.

My ex best friend backed out of being my Maid of Honor.

The person who offered to make my wedding cake as her gift to us lost her and demanded payment for the cake.

Things like that.

We still got married.  4th mistake.

We were not married a month before things went crazy.  We were suppose to go to a work function at my company and we got into a fight as we were getting dressed.

He back handed me across the face sending me flying into a door.  I had a broken cheek bone and a black eye.  My face was swollen and black.   I covered with makeup and went to the function.

Went back to work on Monday and everyone saw my face.  I lied said I had surgery.  Everyone knew.

Anyway I won't bore everyone but that is how it went, until one day when we were separated again and he came to my apartment and wanted something.  I refused to let him in and he actually broke in.  I fought back this time and he started screaming like a baby.  Someone in the building called the police but by then he was gone.

They went and found him at his apartment and because he has some scratches I got arrested.

It took me a year to clear my name and they did nothing to him for breaking into my apartment.

Anyway, someone made me leave and I haven't been back.

I wasn't going to leave, I didn't want to be a two time loser but then who does..

I really haven't had a relationship since then.  5 years to be exact and counting

I don't know if it is because I don't trust anyone or if it is just that I haven't found a man who is trust worthy.

I was flirting with someone but they run so hot and cold that I can't figure out what he wants or if he is even interested.

More later....



Posted at 09:36 am by Loca_Chick
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Tuesday, January 06, 2015
Welcome to my nightmare

So I decided to start this blog to see if I could figure out what is going on or not going on in my life and possibly how to change it.

To start with I am a 43 year old woman, twice divorced from two major losers (more on that later), and a 19 year old son.

I live with my parents and son since my parents are older and my father is disabled and my mother is not in the best of health.

It is not the ideal situation for me that is for sure.  There is little to no privacy and I am in a constant battle with someone over something.

I work a lot.  Two jobs to be honest, Some days are 15 to 16 hours long.  I am not really complaining.  I did it to myself.  I do like both my jobs.  Neither job is overly impressive and I won't go into what I do here.  Lets just say that it pays the bills and I like the socialization. 

I think I took the second job as a way of getting out of the house and perhaps finding some friends and seeing some one other then my computer screen and my family.

I realized all I was doing was getting up going to one job, going home and waiting until the next day to do it all over again.  I spent what time I had in front of the television with few to to no friends.

My second job I get to interact with a lot of wonderful people.  Customers are usually fantastic and love to talk, other colleagues well lets say some of them could use a wake up call.

I try to the best of my ability give everyone what they want and or need from me.  I have rarely denied a friend or even family something and it usually comes back to slap me in the face at some point.  (again more on that later)

I am never really sure of how much to reveal about myself.   I have never really looked at myself as lovable.  Could be because my parents were never great parents.  Never much encouragement and I guess I took that into my adult life. 

I am not by any words perfect and I never claimed to be, either as a person, daughter, parent, friend, employee etc.   Sometimes it would be nice though to get positive feedback from certain people.  I only ever seem to get the negative or maybe perhaps that is the way I perceive it.

I realized that I have not been with any man nor had a date in 5 years.  I was actually shocked at how much time had gone by.  Not sure where it all went but it disappeared.

I am not sure when I stopped paying attention to whether or not I dated.   Obviously at least 5 years ago...lol, but when did I stop noticing men or is it that I wish a guy would walk up to me and ask me out???

I will be writing more later but I look forward to constructive criticism, I am not the type who will appreciate ignorant, uninformed comments.


Posted at 08:58 am by Loca_Chick
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