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Tuesday, January 06, 2015
Welcome to my nightmare

So I decided to start this blog to see if I could figure out what is going on or not going on in my life and possibly how to change it.

To start with I am a 43 year old woman, twice divorced from two major losers (more on that later), and a 19 year old son.

I live with my parents and son since my parents are older and my father is disabled and my mother is not in the best of health.

It is not the ideal situation for me that is for sure.  There is little to no privacy and I am in a constant battle with someone over something.

I work a lot.  Two jobs to be honest, Some days are 15 to 16 hours long.  I am not really complaining.  I did it to myself.  I do like both my jobs.  Neither job is overly impressive and I won't go into what I do here.  Lets just say that it pays the bills and I like the socialization. 

I think I took the second job as a way of getting out of the house and perhaps finding some friends and seeing some one other then my computer screen and my family.

I realized all I was doing was getting up going to one job, going home and waiting until the next day to do it all over again.  I spent what time I had in front of the television with few to to no friends.

My second job I get to interact with a lot of wonderful people.  Customers are usually fantastic and love to talk, other colleagues well lets say some of them could use a wake up call.

I try to the best of my ability give everyone what they want and or need from me.  I have rarely denied a friend or even family something and it usually comes back to slap me in the face at some point.  (again more on that later)

I am never really sure of how much to reveal about myself.   I have never really looked at myself as lovable.  Could be because my parents were never great parents.  Never much encouragement and I guess I took that into my adult life. 

I am not by any words perfect and I never claimed to be, either as a person, daughter, parent, friend, employee etc.   Sometimes it would be nice though to get positive feedback from certain people.  I only ever seem to get the negative or maybe perhaps that is the way I perceive it.

I realized that I have not been with any man nor had a date in 5 years.  I was actually shocked at how much time had gone by.  Not sure where it all went but it disappeared.

I am not sure when I stopped paying attention to whether or not I dated.   Obviously at least 5 years ago...lol, but when did I stop noticing men or is it that I wish a guy would walk up to me and ask me out???

I will be writing more later but I look forward to constructive criticism, I am not the type who will appreciate ignorant, uninformed comments.


Posted at 08:58 am by Loca_Chick
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