Losing My Job
So I have worked since I was 14. I have never really been out of a job except for when I had my son and I was extremely ill and it took me a year to recuperate.
I have worked at a lot places, McDonalds and grocery stores when I was in high school, offices as receptionist, secretary, file clerks, data entry, phone operator, managed offices, but my favorite job was the one I just lost.
See Tuesday at 2:09 pm I was downsized from the company I had worked at for more then ten years.
In total they let 50 of us go.
It was extremely sad and I have to admit I was devastated. I have never been downsized before.
So here I am 43 years old and not so many prospects in my life. No degree, no nothing.
Where do I go from here?
Marriages & Relationships
So now you get to hear all about my dating and marriage history...poor you...
We were not married a month before things went crazy. We were suppose to go to a work function at my company and we got into a fight as we were getting dressed.
He back handed me across the face sending me flying into a door. I had a broken cheek bone and a black eye. My face was swollen and black. I covered with makeup and went to the function.
Went back to work on Monday and everyone saw my face. I lied said I had surgery. Everyone knew.
Anyway I won't bore everyone but that is how it went, until one day when we were separated again and he came to my apartment and wanted something. I refused to let him in and he actually broke in. I fought back this time and he started screaming like a baby. Someone in the building called the police but by then he was gone.
They went and found him at his apartment and because he has some scratches I got arrested.
It took me a year to clear my name and they did nothing to him for breaking into my apartment.
Anyway, someone made me leave and I haven't been back.
I wasn't going to leave, I didn't want to be a two time loser but then who does..
I really haven't had a relationship since then. 5 years to be exact and counting
I don't know if it is because I don't trust anyone or if it is just that I haven't found a man who is trust worthy.
I was flirting with someone but they run so hot and cold that I can't figure out what he wants or if he is even interested.
Welcome to my nightmare
So I decided to start this blog to see if I could figure out what is going on or not going on in my life and possibly how to change it.
To start with I am a 43 year old woman, twice divorced from two major losers (more on that later), and a 19 year old son.
I live with my parents and son since my parents are older and my father is disabled and my mother is not in the best of health.
It is not the ideal situation for me that is for sure. There is little to no privacy and I am in a constant battle with someone over something.
I work a lot. Two jobs to be honest, Some days are 15 to 16 hours long. I am not really complaining. I did it to myself. I do like both my jobs. Neither job is overly impressive and I won't go into what I do here. Lets just say that it pays the bills and I like the socialization.
I think I took the second job as a way of getting out of the house and perhaps finding some friends and seeing some one other then my computer screen and my family.
I realized all I was doing was getting up going to one job, going home and waiting until the next day to do it all over again. I spent what time I had in front of the television with few to to no friends.
My second job I get to interact with a lot of wonderful people. Customers are usually fantastic and love to talk, other colleagues well lets say some of them could use a wake up call.
I try to the best of my ability give everyone what they want and or need from me. I have rarely denied a friend or even family something and it usually comes back to slap me in the face at some point. (again more on that later)
I am never really sure of how much to reveal about myself. I have never really looked at myself as lovable. Could be because my parents were never great parents. Never much encouragement and I guess I took that into my adult life.
I am not by any words perfect and I never claimed to be, either as a person, daughter, parent, friend, employee etc. Sometimes it would be nice though to get positive feedback from certain people. I only ever seem to get the negative or maybe perhaps that is the way I perceive it.
I realized that I have not been with any man nor had a date in 5 years. I was actually shocked at how much time had gone by. Not sure where it all went but it disappeared.
I am not sure when I stopped paying attention to whether or not I dated. Obviously at least 5 years ago...lol, but when did I stop noticing men or is it that I wish a guy would walk up to me and ask me out???
I will be writing more later but I look forward to constructive criticism, I am not the type who will appreciate ignorant, uninformed comments.